And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
