i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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