It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
