apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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