I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
