I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
