Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
