upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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