Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
