mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
