If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
