honey bunches of taint.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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