Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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