My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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