so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
