Im at strip club and am horny
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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