I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
