All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
