Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
