Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
