if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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