Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
