I'm laying in your front yard are you home
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
