and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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