I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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