evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
