i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
