I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
