I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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