Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My cat gives me a boner
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
