dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
