How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
