I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
