My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
