I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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