I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
