Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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