I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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