honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
