Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
