so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
