Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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