Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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