White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
