he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
