Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
