Your dad touched me again.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
