woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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