Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
