you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
