Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
