cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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