It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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