8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
