I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
