You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
